Hello.

I know. I'm completely rubbish, and should be banned from blogging forever. But I'm not, so here I am.

With a new blog.

And I'm back for good this time. Aren't you pleased? :)

Yet again, I'm on Lovehoney, looking for something new and exciting to diddle myself silly with (it's a chore, I tell you), and I'm trying to decide between the Cone, the VibraExciter, and the Mantric Miyakodori, when I am rudely distracted. By this:



I've seen it all now, I really, really have.

The bestest song of the year:




That is all.

My head hurts.

It's that time of the month where my womb, upon discovering that it's not pregnant, retaliates by bleeding everywhere in a ridiculously dramatic fashion, and making my hormones go all wonky.

So if I get upset for no apparent reason and start throwing crockery about, blame the womb. But be assured that I really am upset, apparent reason or not.
Firstly, Period Pains are bloody painful - hence the "pain" bit, I suspect. Then there's the Period Tummy, which leaves your author feeling fat and bloated and grr; you know what your author's like about these things, don't you? Then there's the Period Purchases - the tampons, panty-liners, hammocks, whatever method it is you use to stop the flow of blood flowing away from your bodily person (imagine the horror). Should items as bleeding necessary as Lil-lets be so expensive? I think not. I mean, it's for everyone else's benefit as much as it is our own...
But what upsets me the most at this time of the month are my self-imposed restrictions on sexual activities. I'm an edgy open-minded show off. I've indulged in watersports (and loved it), for heaven's sake, but can I stand vaginal penetration when I'm on? No I cannot. And are there any exceptions - birthdays notwithstanding - to this rule? Er... no.

I have no explanation for this, other than there being blood anywhere where I might see it - particularly when I'm enjoying sexy time - makes me wretch in disgust. Once I went out with a lovely young man who actively wanted to lick me out when I was on. I didn't vomit all over him when he suggested this, but I wanted to. Seriously, I thought "you're not even putting a finger there, nevermind your tongue. Get off me, you pervert!" I like to look down when I'm being munched on. I like to see their faces glistening with my wetness. It turns me on. But I think to look down and see my lover's face smeared with my blood would probably scar me forever.
I'm not a prude; I just physically, mentally, absolutely can't do that.
And it's made even more upsetting because I am, as are many women, extra super horny when The Period strikes. And given how insatiable I've been in recent weeks, it's almost unbearable right now. I honestly don't know how I'd cope at all if it wasn't for anal sex...

Aren't bums great?